did i just become a keto zombie?

So, here I was, mid-winter blues and existential dread at full tilt. That’s when it happened. You know that moment? That impulsive lightbulb moment where you decide to do something radical? Yeah, so I dove headfirst into this whole keto plus intermittent fasting thing for nine wild weeks. Trust me, it’s exactly as nuts as it sounds.

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The first week was a blur. My pantry suddenly housed more avocados than a hipster brunch spot. And bacon became my spirit animal (for once, pigs had my back). Imagine waking up every day to eggs and spinach and pretending not to miss toasted bagels. Fun times!

Then there was the fasting part. Literally, not eating until noon every day. My morning brain was like, ‘No food? But you’re supposed to be feeding me croissants! We had a pact!’ (It was a dark roast fueled betrayal).

Of course, everyone around me started throwing their two cents in. “Oh, I heard you get the keto flu.” Great, just what I needed—a diet with a built-in flu experience. Spoiler alert: keto flu sucks! But okay, after week two, I didn’t morph into a couch potato. Actually, my energy spiked. I was literally bouncing off walls (or was it just the caffeine?).

By week four, my body acted like it was in on some secret. My jeans fit better, but let’s be real—by that time I wasn’t even sure if that was keto or sheer laundry timing magic. Then came the social outings. Have you ever tried explaining why you can’t eat ‘normal’ food to friends? Watching them chow down on pizza while you reach for dry chicken wings and a side of…more avocados?

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Things got weirder at around week seven. Someone commented I seemed “clearer.” What, like I was a foggy windshield before all this? I mean, thanks? My mind felt more alert, but also there were more thoughts about cheese than I care to admit.

Getting to the end of this saga, I wasn’t sure if I had become a full-time keto zealot or just someone who enjoyed mixing it up on the weight-loss roller coaster. Either way, here I was, debating the value of creamy butter-based sauces like they were fine wines. Life sure takes you on some strange paths.

So, what did nine weeks of keto and fasting ultimately do? Made me a slightly slimmer, if not mildly hyper-focused, version of my avocado-loving self. Pretty sure the breaking point was not having ramen for two months. Honestly, give me carbs or give me…well, another round of bacon, I guess.

My eyes still hurt. I need coffee. Ugh.