great, lettuce soup for breakfast…

Who the heck wants to start their day feeling like a rabbit munching on a mountain of greens? Trying to stuff yourself senseless on salads for breakfast sounds like an utterly brilliant idea, doesn’t it? I mean, God forbid we just enjoy a warm, buttered toast and a coffee. No, let’s dive face-first into a giant bowl of leafy greens because apparently feeling ‘stuffed’ is supposed to be satisfying. Ever tried feeling ‘full’ at 7 a.m. with iceberg bits sticking to your teeth?

And let’s not forget the celebrity status given to foods that are literally filler materials – zucchini noodles, popcorn, and whatnot. I get it, low-calorie density, yay! But have you ever tried focusing on anything else except chewing when your mouth is overloaded with watery soup that barely has any taste, hinting only at a carrot or two daring to swim amidst the green tsunami? Pathetically unsatisfying. Meanwhile, I wonder what happened to breakfast being enjoyable rather than this blunt reminder of habitation in some dystopian veggie land.

Oh but wait, supposedly, it’s not about pleasure; it’s about some grand ‘psychological trick.’ It better be since my jaws are tired from overachieving on garden salad servings. Whatever happened to spending your precious time actually eating foods you enjoy without pretending to have been cast as the lead herbivore in some apocalyptic movie set where carbohydrates are extinct? If being miserably full of veg is your thing, fine. I’ll stick to my toast.

By the way, you can drown yourself in more of this joyously gargantuan meal advice here.