why does everyone’s treadmill talk sound like magic?

So, this whole 12-3-30 workout thing. It’s like, wow, just put a treadmill on an incline and suddenly you’re in a viral sensation. Who knew cardio could become some mystical journey with the right combination of numbers? Incline of 12, speed of 3 mph, and do it for 30 minutes. Simple, right? Because everyone has half an hour to walk at the speed of a turtle on a hill while somehow feeling cozy. Seriously, what’s so cozy about that? It’s just walking with numbers attached to make it sound fancy.

I mean, are people just lining up to put themselves through this façade of productivity that doesn’t make them question why they aren’t just walking outside the way humans intended? But no, it’s viral. Everyone’s like ‘you burn so many calories,’ as if they discovered fire by walking uphill. Give me a break.

Is burning calories the new enlightenment now? Just hop on that magical incline and suddenly you’re a calorie-burning wizard without even breaking a sweat because it’s ‘low impact.’ Sure, if you like fooling yourself.

If that’s not your cup of treadmill tea though, well then you can always check out this specific text for other ridiculous workouts that probably promise to turn you into a fitness god too. Done.