why i’m side-eyeing the keto craze right now

I just saw someone post about their keto diet success, and honestly, it’s got me thinking. Like, bacon for breakfast as a health move? Really now. The low-carb, keto, and carnivore diets are apparently all the rage, but I can’t help but wonder if everyone’s just hungry and slightly annoyed.

So, you start with the low carb approach and it’s all okay. Goodbye pasta, hello zoodles (seriously, who invented spiralizing vegetables?). It works for a while, but then boom, true keto hits. You find yourself obsessing over macronutrient ratios like it’s some kind of algebra class from high school that you swore you’d left behind forever. It’s butter in my coffee time. And throw in some coconut oil while you’re at it. Because why not?

I’m sitting here trying not to judge, but have you seen the grocery lists? A bunch of avocados, slabs of meat that would do a Flintstone proud, and the occasional leafy green tossed in as a nod to vitamins.

Oh, and then we go full carnivore. That’s right, nothing but meat. I’m talking steaks, ribs, chicken wings. Like prehistoric dieting—without the risk of being eaten by saber-toothed tigers. Is it sustainable? Maybe. But try fitting that in at Thanksgiving when everyone’s passing the mashed potatoes and pie. Awkward much?

Anyway, I stumbled across this elaborate blog outlining the detox process on these diets and honestly, I could use a detox from the detox talk. At the end of it all, did these folks find success? Sure. Maybe. But I’m sticking to my Sunday morning pancakes (because carbs are love) while they munch on their meat. My eyes still hurt. I need coffee. Ugh.