detox shakes: the world’s worst invention

So, I heard this absurd concept: detox shakes. Yeah, those overpriced, greenish, goopy mixtures some people think are magical elixirs for every life problem. Really? We’ve reached a point where we’re mass-consuming kale juice to feel ‘healthy’ while ignoring the fact that most have the flavor profile of swamp water. What genius decided that the human race needed a daily serving of liquid grass? Check out the madness here.

Whatever happened to just eating fruit and vegetables like a normal person? Oh no, too simple! Let’s blend them all into a gory concoction that could probably substitute as paint thinner in another life.

Not to mention, you need a master’s degree in quantum physics to understand some of these ingredient lists. Spirulina? Chlorella? Are these real or did someone just sneeze while typing?

And then there’s marketing. Detox in a bottle! Yes, because drowning yourself in chlorophyll is our quick fix apparently. Meanwhile, someone’s making millions while the rest of us are pretending not to gag. Someone should do a detox from detox shakes.

They’ve single-handedly turned lunchtime into a test of survival more than nourishment. Just stop. Whatever.