why low carb breakfasts make me roll my eyes

You ever try making those low carb breakfasts? I swear, if I have to hear one more person preach about avocado toast like it’s the salvation of humanity, I’m going to lose it. So, there I was, staring at my kitchen counter scattered with overpriced ingredients (you know, like almond flour and the world’s strongest spinach). Trying to make something out of a detox plan that claimed to be ‘life-changing’. Who knew ‘life-changing’ would involve so much time blend-mashing and an insane amount of unnecessary chopping?

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Honestly, what’s up with all these ‘simple’ recipes that somehow turn into a full-blown construction project? I tried making this egg muffin thing one morning. I thought, easy peasy…Or not. It’s the cooking equivalent of wrestling an octopus. Everything was sticking, eggshells were getting involved in a way they really weren’t invited to, and somehow I had managed to flick bits of kale everywhere. My cat was not amused. But hey, at least I got some unexpected cardio out of it.

And let’s not even talk about the struggle with black coffee. People who drink it like it’s liquid ambrosia, what sorcery is this? I miss my caramel syrup so badly. Anyway, on my third attempt, I finally sat down with a slightly charred egg muffin and a sad-smushed avocado slice on the side. Somehow it tasted like triumph. Funny how eating right can feel so wrong. Admittedly, the ensemble didn’t quite resemble that Instagram-perfect vibe I was going for—it was more like a ‘nailed it’ meme in real life.

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Do these ‘meal prep’ types ever see how much mess they leave behind? The aftermath of my breakfast escapade looked like a food tornado hit. Guess I’ll spend the rest of my morning cleaning (yay…). My eyes still hurt. I need coffee. Ugh.