who needs 30g of breakfast protein?

So, here’s the deal. Who on earth decided that 30 grams of protein is what I need to choke down within 30 minutes of waking up? I barely have my eyes open, and I’m supposed to be smashing egg bite muffins like an Olympic athlete or cramming protein onto a Greek yogurt parfait as if it’s the most crucial act of my life. And don’t get me started on the absurdity of squeezing in half an hour of cardio right after. Because, yeah, you know, my body is just dying to hop on a treadmill before it even fully knows it exists that morning.

Ever tried peeling eggs with a brain that feels like it’s still wrapped in its cozy blanket? If that’s not enough, I have to reseal my yogurt cover using precision movements comparable to brain surgery so it doesn’t spray everywhere. This is the latest trend in breakfast plans, and I’m supposed to embrace it like it’s going to change my life. It feels more like a plot to make me trip over my own feet and a considerate way to spill my sanity with my coffee.

Honestly, I’d rather sleep for that half an hour and take my time to chew my cereal instead of making breakfast a race against time and digestion. It’s supposedly for weight loss but really, it’s just making enemies with every morning I greet. But of course, you can read about the joy of it right here only to realize that you’d rather not involve yourself in this morning chaos. Whatever.