so apparently smoothies are magic now

I was scrolling through my phone the other day, and something caught my eye. Apparently, the latest craze is the ‘weight loss and detox smoothie recipe’—which sounds like the weirdest mashup of buzzwords ever. I get it, everyone wants the magic potion that makes you fit into those jeans from high school (spoiler: there’s no such thing), but I never really got the appeal of liquefying my meals.

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So I decided to give this a shot. Start with some kale (of course, because it’s not an overpriced hipster smoothie without it), throw in a banana (because blending brown mush is just appetizing), and whatever berries you have in the fridge. Oh, and coconut water because regular H2O is for peasants. I won’t lie; the concoction I came up with looked like something straight out of a sci-fi movie about alien goo invasions. The taste? Well, let’s say my cat didn’t even glance at it twice.

What amuses me is how people claim it ‘detoxes’ your body. We have kidneys and a liver for a reason. It’s like saying a smoothie can suddenly override biology. But sure, let’s sip on blended kale twice a day and hope for the best. Also, can we talk about the weird obsession with chia seeds? Do they do anything other than play hide-and-seek in your teeth?

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Anyway, I read about a supplement list that could be the actual superstar and not just a smoothie hype. Maybe we all just need a vitamin boost instead of relying on green sludge. Or maybe, just maybe, a little balance with fries on the side when you crave spinach cream can help. My eyes still hurt. I need coffee. Ugh.