detox dramas: seriously?

Parasite cleanse. Really? Everyone’s just hopping on social media talking about getting rid of imaginary hitchhikers that they swear cause every single problem under the sun. Fatigue? It’s a parasite. Bloating? Must be those wriggly things. Pinky toe stubbed? Guess what—parasite. Check this dubious wisdom making the rounds!

What’s even in these things? Wormwood, black walnut hull, cloves—sounds more like an ingredient list for a witch’s brew rather than a cleanse. I mean, imagine having to chug these supposedly magic herbs only to end up with an expensive trip to the toilet. Hope the book titled ‘Ways Your Bowels Can Surprise You’ is part of the package. Some people will do anything for a little attention, it’s like auditioning for a TikTok horror show. And can we talk about the marketing here—”detox your way to vibrant health.” Yeah, right. More like detox your way to paranoia.

I get it, waking up feeling like roadkill isn’t anyone’s idea of fun, but the moment you start associating every ache and pain with miniature invaders playing hide-and-seek in your body, it’s time to reassess, people. Just imagine waking up every morning and instead of brushing your teeth, you’re sipping on swamp water hoping to exorcise these parasites. Dream big.

And some still wonder why humans invented science. No need to hire someone who passed Advanced Snake Oilery at Con U either, just start questioning the life advice handed out by teenagers on TikTok.

Whatever.