why are we so obsessed with metal detox?

Heavy metal detox, really? As if we don’t have enough nonsense to stress over, now we’re told our pots and pans are out to get us. Apparently, everything we touch should come with a health warning because it’s just loaded with lead, mercury, and some aluminum lurking around like toxins waiting to pounce. Give me a break.

People are seriously out here buying overpriced binders like zeolite with this magical notion that they can suck the toxins out of your body as if they have little invisible vacuums inside them.

Ah yes, zeolite. I imagine a sales person cashing in on this one with a straight face, saying you absolutely need to take this stuff if you want to keep your insides squeaky clean. Never mind that you’ll probably shelve these bottles where all those well-meaning ‘miracle solutions’ end up—forgotten behind mismatched coffee mugs. And then there’s chlorella, which sounds more like something you’d scrape off a river rock than put into your body.

Seriously though, maybe it’s just another flashy trend designed to make us paranoid about every spoonful of soup we sip from Grandma Alma’s antique bowl set?

At this point I’m pretty sure there’s a detox for being exposed to detox trends because the amount of stress it adds can’t be good for anyone. Whatever.