what’s with this dry fasting nonsense?

So, who decided that not drinking water would be a wellness trend? Dry fasting, they say. Do you know what I call it? The award-winning method for self-torture. Clearly, your ancestors made such a poor decision by inventing water. Let’s throw all that away and embrace dehydration because some person on the internet claims you’ll magically produce ‘metabolic water’ or whatever mystical nonsense they conjured up. Yes, because your body definitely has a secret stash of moisture just waiting to pop out and drown you in wellbeing. Sure.

And of course, the enthusiasts are always excited to share their groundbreaking results in accelerating fat burn, as if having parched lips is the epitome of health. Why stop at skipping water? Let’s just go without air next, and maybe we’ll elevate to an entirely new dimension of fasting absurdity. But hey, why not go big on risk and high reward, right? Because who needs sanity when you’ve got a mystical promise of better body function or something equally vague and unscientific?

The thrill of testing my limits by inviting headaches and dizziness sounds like a fun afternoon activity to them. Really gets the blood pumping—or not, because you’re too busy conserving moisture. Whatever. I’m done.