30 minutes of breakfast chaos

Eating 30 grams of protein within 30 minutes of waking up. Really? Who are these people designing diets that assume everyone wakes up ready to wolf down egg muffins like they’re preparing for some post-apocalyptic protein shortage? I barely have the energy to grumble at my alarm when it goes off in the morning, let alone tear into a breakfast feast.

And then, the cherry on top—30 minutes of ‘steady cardio.’ The only steady thing about me in the morning is my desire to stay in bed. Apparently, the aim is to jump out of bed, shove yogurt parfaits down your throat as fast as humanly possible, all while mentally preparing yourself for the joy that is cardio.

If I wanted a rushed experience I’d join the rat race (oh wait, I did!). Who has time for this nonsense? Probably folks who don’t realize that some of us have schedules less flexible than a frozen gym sock. Don’t even get me started on how fast 30 minutes fly by when you’re groggily stumbling around trying to find your other sock before you hit that treadmill.

Ultimately, I’m just bewildered by how this is even a trend. I’m over here trying not to knock everything over just reaching for my morning coffee, never mind having a Well-Oiled Morning Programme straight out of a motivational Instagram page. Whatever. Click this specific text if you’re into early morning optimism and chaos.