gimmie a break, turmer-whack!

So turmeric in smoothies? Really? Are people that desperate to feel like they’re healthy by dumping a spice cabinet into their breakfast? Start with this overhyped ‘Golden Milk’ nonsense. You’re telling me frozen mangoes, turmeric, black pepper, and coconut milk are going to save my joints? What kind of witchcraft is this anyway? The color alone is enough to blind someone; I mean, it’s like someone smashed open a highlighter. And don’t even get me started on the taste. It’s supposed to be ‘anti-inflammatory.’ Might as well swallow a packet of chalk while we’re at it. Slow clap for masking bad flavor with more bad flavor. This specific text might just explain why. Or not. Who cares.

Plus, the whole ‘glow from within’ promise—who even needs that? Last time I checked the only thing anyone needs glowing from within is a lightbulb, not your digestive tract. But wait, it’s also meant to be miraculous for joint pain! Yes, because we all face crippling arthritis at age 30 and need to inhale a salad dressing disaster for breakfast. Naturally.

But carry on with your carrot juice-tinted blender catastrophe and peppercorn-whiffing escapades, because apparently that’s all the rage now. Whatever.