who needs sleep supplements anyway?

So, apparently, everyone is obsessed with ‘sleep minerals’ these days. Yeah, because clearly, sleeping like a normal human without popping pills isn’t the trend anymore. I mean, Magnesium Glycinate is supposed to help you sleep like a baby or calm your stress-ridden nerves without the unpleasant side effect of spending half your day in the bathroom, unlike its evil twin, Citrate. But since when did everyone need a guarantee not to have loose stools just to catch some Zs? It’s like looking for snacks with “no mess” peanut butter. I’m supposed to be impressed.

Then there’s this other thing. Apigenin! It’s chamomile’s villainous plot to apparently make us all ‘neuro-calm.’ Who even creates these terms? The kind of folks who can’t accept that some people just rely on an awkwardly long Netflix binge-watching session to lull them into a peaceful slumber, I guess. But no, instead, we need to engineer our bedtime wind-down routine with chemically-enhanced flower extracts. Like I need a floral knight in shining armor to save my sleep hygiene. Dive headfirst into this absurd world if you dare.

You’d think people are more overworked and underslept than medieval serfs. From what I see, you’d better start putting a spa’s worth of effort into your nights, or else you’re doomed to wander the earth as sleep-zombie number four thousand and one. I’m done.