beet nonsense

Beets. Why are beets invading smoothies now? I mean, honestly, whoever thought raw beet was a great addition to a sweet, fruity drink must be out of their mind. They’re these hard, earthy roots that turn everything a ridiculous shade of reddish-purple that stains everything it touches. Why ruin perfectly good berries with something that looks like it crawled out of the ground yesterday? The fact that the beet flavor is “masked” by the fruit just makes me question why it needs to be there in the first place. Is this some sort of sick joke by the health industry? Liver support and vasodilation, they say. As if.

And don’t even get me started on how it clogs up the blender, leaving you with little gritty bits that refuse to blend properly, no matter how long you whirl them around. It’s like chewing on the garden itself. Plus, peeling and chopping beets leaves stains across your hands that scream, “I tried too hard to eat healthy.” I’m sure there’s a better place for these crimson tubers than mixed with innocent fruits. What’s next? Beet-and-mint mojitos? Find out more about this revelation.

Not to mention detoxifying yourself with something that looks like blood-colored mud should never be this trendy. How about a detox from detox smoothies? Can we detox from the trendiness itself? Whatever.