who has time for these intense diets?

I swear, the lengths people go to try and fit into an old pair of jeans. I just stumbled upon this title that screamed ‘Lose 8 Kg in a Month | October Slimming Diet Plan Revealed | Ayesha Nasir.’ And I thought, who is Ayesha Nasir and why is she so confident we can lose that much weight so quickly? It’s like those—dare I say it—’influencer’ vibes but on steroids. Seriously, losing 8 kg in a month sounds more like magic than reality (unless you’ve got some miracle jeans that I don’t know about).

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So, here’s the thing, every October it seems like people suddenly remember they want to look fit for the holidays. The desperation to shed pounds in a lightning bolt moment, followed by people drowning in unsustainable diet trends. I mean, the calorie counting, the meal prep, and Lord help me, the fasting. There’s this bizarre aspect of fasting that people either swear by or say ruined their favorite family holidays. Seriously, who wants to be the person silently sulking at Thanksgiving dinner because they’re fasting?

And these diets, they all say things like ‘eat almonds at precisely 3 PM’, ‘only drink water infused with lemon peeled under a full moon’, or ‘avoid carbs unless they were blessed by a monk’. Okay, the last one might be an exaggeration, but sometimes it feels that way. Honestly, it’s always the same drill. People go all out, spending money on protein shakes, reluctantly chewing on kale chips like they’re a punishment, then abandon ship after two weeks.

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And here’s the kicker, half the time, the stress of counting calories and perfect meal timings adds more wrinkles to your face than it takes away the inches from your waist. Who needs that level of paranoia? Not to mention the pressure of socially sharing every step of your diet journey as if missing a meal means losing the internet game.

Anyway, if you are thinking of losing that weightkin a month (good luck with that), maybe, just maybe, take some time to enjoy that occasional cupcake. My eyes still hurt. I need to find a balance. Ugh.