who needs a chocolate cauliflower shake anyway?

So, apparently we’ve now reached a point in human evolution where we decided that adding cauliflower to a chocolate shake is a good idea. Really? Like who sat around one day and thought, ‘You know what would make this chocolatey indulgence even better? Cauliflower.’ I mean, why stop there? Let’s chuck in some Brussels sprouts while we’re at it.

Trying to trick me by calling it “hidden veg” doesn’t suddenly make it gourmet cuisine. Just because you can’t taste it doesn’t mean it belongs there. It’s like they think you won’t notice a lump of vegetable while chugging down what should be a blissful moment of sweet escape. Blah.

And don’t even get me started on the audacity of comparing it to a milkshake. Milkshakes are sacred. Thickened by real ice cream and not sneaky diet tricks, thank you very much. Trying to thicken with a veggie might work in some foolish parallel dimension where grass is orange and the sky’s divided by a polka-dotted line.

And the whole trend of blending everything and anything into a drink, is that supposed to make it healthier, or like… more annoying? I’d rather eat my veggies as proper veggies. You can keep the hidden stuff to yourself. If you’re the kind of person that gets tricked by “hidden vegetables” then maybe you deserve it, honestly.Here’s why.

Oh joy. Whatever.